


Not every bone thrown, gets brought back.

by lifelesslyndsey



Series: How To Teach An Old Dog New Tricks [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, She wants to get liberal with her, also puns. puns are a thing we're doing now., geology jokes, hahahahaha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-11
Updated: 2013-07-11
Packaged: 2017-12-19 05:03:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/879771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lifelesslyndsey/pseuds/lifelesslyndsey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darcy waits all of five seconds after the girl is gone, to gloat. “She slipped me her phone number,” she says, with a smug smile. “She wants to get liberal with me.”</p><p>“Whatever,” Tony grumbles, finally approaching his coffee pot now that his kitchen is free of terrible life choices. “Have fun with my sloppy seconds. We can be tunnel buddies. I'll get us matching t-shirts.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not every bone thrown, gets brought back.

He and Pepper have been separated for the better part of six months. Their relationship is the best it’s ever been. Tony’s sex life...is not.  Since Pepper, Tony's found the effort to be....terribly droll. The idea of picking up women at parties and nightclubs seemed tiring in the wake of regular, effortless sex. That didn’t stop him, of course. He was Tony Stark.

 

It was early still, barely nine am, when Tony finally decided to roll out of bed.  Pain throbbed at this temples, though his hangover was mild. He’d woken up alone, as he prefered, and thought nothing of padding into the kitchen in his boxers and t-shirt.

 

Apparently he wasn’t as alone as he thought. The woman, Trixie or Tracy or something, was seated at his breakfast table, across from Lewis, eating what looked like a very delicious omelette and wearing Tony’s shirt from last night. This was...this was not how this was suppose to go. Tony didn’t normally have to see...them, after. This was terrible. He was so telling Pepper. 

 

“Tony!” Darcy chimed, waving a bit of omelette at him, on the end of her fork. “Care to join us? Trisha was just telling me about herself. She’s studying at NYU, did you know?”

 

Ah. Trisha. That was it. 

 

Dread welled up in his stomach at that, as he noticed the uncomfortable familiarity of Trisha’s face. Dark brown waves, big blue eyes, and pouty lips. Her tits weren’t much to speak of, compared to Darcy’s, but Tony felt the urge to walk out of the room without another word, regardless.  The table was full of _nope_. 

  
“I studied at NMU myself,” Darcy tells her, wordlessly dismissing Tony before he can even answer her question. “Liberal arts. Who’d have thought that would get me here?”

 

Trisha’s eyes are wide as she stares at Darcy in what Tony can translate as nothing short of awe. “I’m majoring in Earth Science, uh...geology,” she says, in a trembling voice. “But I mean, I’ve been thinking about changing my major.”

 

“Political Science,” Darcy tells the girl sagely. Tony can't even words yet, can't even _words_.  There is not enough coffee in the world for this to make sense. Earth Science Majors did not suddenly become liberal arts students. They did _not_.  “I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for Political Science.”

 

Taking another long look between Tasha and Darcy, Tony shakes his head. _Nope_. 

 

He hides in his room until the girl is done eating his food, using his shower, and chatting with his not-assistant about the merits of liberal arts versus legitimate fucking science.  By the end of the conversation, Darcy has the Tisha enrolled in Introduction to American Politics, Political Theory, and International Comparative Relations. Tony despairs of them both.

 

“Thank you!” Trishxy gushes, going so far as to hug Lewis as she leaves. Tony gets no such treatmant. Seriously, he fave her four outstanding orgasms. All Darcy gave her was dissapointment and a shitty job market.  “This is seriously the best thing that’s ever happen to me. Who would have thought sleeping with Tony Stark would change my life? Best thing _ever_.”  Tony’s not use to that either; usually there's a lot more swearing, as Pepper reduces easy women to tears with the efficiency of a bull dog biting a bubble. She slips a piece of paper into Darcy’s front pocket with sudden shyness. “Um, maybe you can show me the more liberal side of Liberal Arts, some time?”

 

Darcy waits all of five seconds after the girl is gone, to gloat. “She slipped me her phone number,” she says, with a smug smile. “She wants to get liberal with me.”

 

“Whatever,” Tony grumbles, finally approaching his coffee pot now that his kitchen is free of terrible life choices. “Have fun with my sloppy seconds. We can be tunnel buddies. I'll get us matching t-shirts and everything.”

 

“Oh don’t be like that,” Darcy pats him on the shoulder gently. “I’m sure you rocked her world. Get it? Rocked. World. Geology? No? Well then.”

 

“Of course I did.” There’s really no doubt about that. Tony fucks like a machine, if puns were a thing they were doing now. He slams his cup down a little to hard onto the table , sloshing the contents everywhere. 

 

“I’m just saying,” Darcy cleans the spilled coffee with the corner of Tony's shirt, and shrugs her shoulders.  “You’re the last guy she slept with, and suddenly she wants in my lady pants.”

 

“What exactly is it you’re implying, Ms. Lewis? She’s in college,” Tony argues. “College girls are flexible. That’s what I love about them.”

 

“You’re right,” Darcy agrees easily, which...Tony doesn’t trust. “I’m sure you didn’t turn her gay or anything.”

 

And with that, she flounces. Tony has no idea what she was doing there in the first place, to be honest.

  
“I didn’t turn her gay,” Tony tells the empty kitchen. What the hell happened to his life?

  
"Of course not sir," Jarvis says overhead, but even he doesn't sound terribly convinced. 

 

 


End file.
